goodbye again

I just saw the movie Goodbye Again.  In it, Ingrid Bergman says "the problem with being an interior designer is everyone thinks they know your business."

I can relate.

I dated a man a long, long time ago who suggested I avoid talking about music in social situations because I tended to preach, not quite perceiving that the others involved in the conversation were just making small talk.  Because music is a popular topic for small talk.

People just talk about music casually, discussing their own opinions and perceptions.  They judge the contestants on American Idol based on their ideals and experiences.  When I was teaching high school, I watched American Idol so I could help my students discuss it intelligently, to to help them identify the real sources of their judgments (more often they simply preferred what was familiar to what was high quality--which is perfectly natural, but one should acknowledge it) and also because if Randy could require good intonation, so could I.

My strategy for talking about music socially these days is less instructive.  I've learned that no one actually cares about why head voice is important for even pop singers, or how excellent diction can create expressive texture.  When a teenage relative asked if I had thoughts about his community theater production of Pajama Game, I said "of course I do; I'm a professional," then changed the subject.  When the periodontist's assistant asked what I do and learned that I was a conductor, she asked me about Dudamel.  I did not talk about how he belies the conductor archetype, but agreed wholeheartedly when she said he's cute.

It's weird to be a professional in something that most people do recreationally.  That's why I blog about it, of course--because I love what I do and want to make my experience available to anyone who wants to know about it.  And it's not so easy to drop these kinds of ideas on people at dinner parties.

I can't really complain.  My sister has a PhD in health sciences, specializing in sexuality.  She can NOT talk about her work at dinner parties, except among her colleagues.

Colleagues are what this post is really about.  Recently, I had lunch with two band friends.  One said, "we're getting a weird degree--I mean, it's basically a Doctorate in Arm Waving."  The other agreed, "yeah, I can't believe they pay me to do this!"  Yet, for all their recognition of our work as esoteric and surprising, their understanding of it makes for comfortable small talk.  I love hearing from a wide variety of readers who post comments and e-mail me and write on my Facebook wall, but it really especially thrills me to hear from other conductors.  Because I acknowledge that my perspective is not the only one, and I love learning more.  Because this is what the internet is for: sharing information, especially where there are no right or wrong answers, just discussions to be had.

Ingrid Bergman didn't discuss interior decorating with anyone in Goodbye Again except to say, "I'm glad you like it" when receiving a compliment at a dinner party.  Smart woman.  I would totally have read her blog if she'd had one.